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Favorite Family Guy Quotes

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Posted: 11/25/2008 9:08 PM

Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
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Posted: 12/13/2008 11:09 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


And then he woke up and she was still in his bed AHHHH... - quagmire
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Posted: 12/13/2008 11:22 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


What the deuce???

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Posted: 12/14/2008 10:03 AM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


[Quagmire tries to hit on some women at a lesbian bar]
Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
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Posted: 12/15/2008 1:12 AM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Man this itches... I wonder who gave it to me... Probably that girl I gave a ride home from the the gas station... Last time I do somebody a favor! - Quagmire
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Posted: 12/23/2008 3:55 PM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks
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Posted: 1/11/2009 1:46 PM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.
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Posted: 1/28/2009 10:25 AM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter as a child: Why did the dinosaurs die out?
Tour guide: Because you touch yourseft at night.


After Stewie trips Peter: "Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it."
 
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Posted: 1/28/2009 11:53 AM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Pow! Right in the kisser!
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Posted: 2/14/2009 3:53 AM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Stewie:(comes into kitchen)Hey,it's me. Knock Knock.So,uh you got,uh,you got my money?

Brian:Huh? Oh yeah I'll pay you soon.

Stewie:Yeah,,well,um here's a suggestion. Um,have the money by tomorrow and there won't be any problems.

Brian: Huh?

Stewie:Yeah,24 hours.

Brian:Why,what-what happens in 24 hours?

Stewie:Huh? I dunno, I'm not psychic,man. I'm just saying it would probably be better for everybody if you had the money tomorrow.

Brian:Uh, yeah, alright,I'll see what I can do.

Stewie:Sweet, sweet, great. Uh,how's everything else going?

Brian: Good.

Stewie:Alright, Alright. See you later. Don't forget!(Clicks tongue) Nah,you're not gonna forget.

Brian:(Coming out of shower) Stewie, uh, hey.

Stewie:Hey there. So, uh, it's been 24 hours. Got my money?

Brian: Ah, you know what, just give me till next Friday, I'll have it for you.

Stewie:Oh. Oh,that's funny. I could've sworn I said have it today.

Brian:Yeah, I don't have it, sorry.

Stewie:Oh, well, allright then. (Drinks orange juice) Mmm,that's good O.J.(bangs glass in Brian's head.)

Brian: Aaah!! Aaah!

Stewie:Yeah, that hurt?

Brian: Aaah!

Stewie:That hurt?

Brian:What the hell? (continues yelling)

Stewie:Yeah, that don't feel so good, does it? No, huh?(4 punches) Yeah, that's what happens, man.

Brian:Oh my god!

Stewie:Yeah, that's what happens.(4 punches) Where's my money?!(5 punches)

You gonna give me my money? Where's my money, man?!( Brian coughs up blood, Stewie gets towel rack, continiously hits him with it) Where's the money, man?!

(screaming from Brian) Yeah,you like that?! That feel good?!(holds his head in toilet water,Brian starts screaming)(takes him out) Where's the money, man?!

Where's my money??!!! ( Brian panting) You got till five o' clock,you hear me?!

YOu got till 5 o' clock!

Brian:You freakin' psychopath!!

Stewie:Yeah, clean yourself up. (throws a towel at Brian).

 

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Posted: 2/22/2009 5:01 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Brian: I have a date tonight.

Stewie: Who is he? Ah ha. You see what I did? I made it seem as though you were a homosexual.
2013 MST Fantasy Football Regular Season Co-Champion!
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Posted: 2/24/2009 3:51 PM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
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Posted: 3/1/2009 11:16 AM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighter.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
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Posted: 3/27/2009 4:16 PM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


From Season 5 episode, Meet the Quagmires

Brian Griffin: [to 18-year-old Lois in 1984] Can I Wham my Oingo Boingo into your Velvet Underground?

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Posted: 4/4/2009 10:25 AM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


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Posted: 4/23/2009 12:18 AM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter: Hey Quagmire, you busy?
Quagmire: No I got a hand free what's up?
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Posted: 4/23/2009 2:02 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter (Upon seeing that dogs give live birth): You know...I always thought that dogs...laid eggs. And I learned something today.
2013 MST Fantasy Football Champion

Last edited 4/23/2009 2:02 PM by AmazingSpiderman

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Posted: 4/23/2009 2:04 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter: (Peter laughs) You said nuclear, it's nukeular dummy, the 'S' is silent.
2013 MST Fantasy Football Champion
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Posted: 8/30/2009 3:29 PM

Re: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Tom Tucker: And now, here's Ollie Williams, with the Black Weather Forecast. Ollie!
Ollie Williams: IT'S GON' RAIN!
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.
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Posted: 12/2/2009 11:33 AM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Stewie: Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,Mommy, Mom
Lois: WHAT!!
Stewie: Hi.
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Posted: 7/16/2010 12:05 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter: "You kids can't swim in the pool unless there is a life guard on duty! Hehehehehe duty.
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Posted: 7/17/2010 11:24 PM

RE: Favorite Family Guy Quotes 


Peter- "awwww sweeeet"
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