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Farts

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Posted: 2/3/2012 10:07 PM

Farts 


Yes, farts.

OK, a few months ago, my life had a jarring set of changes that I won't bore you with, I'm not Nibiru, plus I've already bored a few of you with the details via PM anyways, so whatever.

So one of the things I decided was I was going to get into good shape, so I started lifting weights again and eating healthier, stuff like that, though not that much healthier because I have a freakishly high metabolism and am skinny as sh(t.  

Ok blah, now to the interesting/funny part.

Trying to gain weight and muscle, I've been  trying to ingest at least 100 grams of protein a day.  I haven't gained much weight.  Which not point of the post.

Now to the point.

My digestive system is having a lot of fun with the diet change.  I'm having crazy protein farts several times a day.  My cube at work smells like the dead at most times.  This suck/is hilarious because a lot of program managers I work with sit near me and a few have just wandered over to talk right after I've just let out a stream of unholy death gas.  I've seen one turn pretty green.  He took it pretty well and just moved some documents we were reviewing to an adjacent cube.
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Posted: 2/3/2012 10:38 PM

RE: Farts 


I had a similar experience the summer before my senior year of college. I was going up 2 weight classes, so I spent the whole summer drinking protein shakes, eating tuna sandwiches, and lifting every day. I've heard one of the main reasons is the lactose or lactase in the protein, so you could opt for a different brand that doesn't have that. I could be wrong, but I do remember hearing that from some people.
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Posted: 2/3/2012 10:43 PM

RE: Farts 



RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: I had a similar experience the summer before my senior year of college. I was going up 2 weight classes, so I spent the whole summer drinking protein shakes, eating tuna sandwiches, and lifting every day. I've heard one of the main reasons is the lactose or lactase in the protein, so you could opt for a different brand that doesn't have that. I could be wrong, but I do remember hearing that from some people.
Did you wrestle in college?

If so, damn much respect.  Even though you are from Tonganoxie.  

Also, I don't mind the farting, I find it hilarious.  I just look at the grams of protein and figure, eh... that is good enough.  I can deal with the hilarity of farting all the time.
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Posted: 2/3/2012 11:02 PM

RE: Farts 


Yep, I sure did.

And I just saw where Tongie beat Lansing in a dual the other night, so suck it, Lion!

Gassy and proud? More power to ya.
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Posted: 2/4/2012 12:15 PM

RE: Farts 



RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: Yep, I sure did.

And I just saw where Tongie beat Lansing in a dual the other night, so suck it, Lion!

Gassy and proud? More power to ya.
Tonganoxie, where the men are men, and the sheep are scared.
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Posted: 2/4/2012 3:38 PM

RE: Farts 


Nothing more pathetic than Lansing v. Tongie trash talk. MHP baby!

Anyway, this thread leads me into a story I've been wanting to tell for six days now.

On Monday I was waiting for class to start when I got that sickly feeling in my stomach. You know the feeling; the one when you know it is going to smell like someone threw up indian food into a dirty diaper. The building I was in only has a unisex bathroom which I've always dreaded but up until Monday, I've been able to avoid doing anything but piss in that building.

So I go in there at about 8:55 a.m. when everyone is busy hustling to class. My hope is that nobody else is trying to use the restroom right before class. Sadly, this was not the case. As I exit the bathroom knowing that I've left behind a horrid stench, I see this girl (we'll call her "B") waiting to use the restroom. Now, if B was ugly, I wouldn't think anything of it, I'd just laugh. But B is smoking hot. She has all the right curves in all the right places. I felt horrible. She says "hi" to me as I walk by her and I couldn't even say anything. As I walk down the hall a little bit, I glanced over my shoulder in time to see B walk in and turn right around and walk out of the bathroom. All I could do was shake my head in shame as I walked into my classroom.

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken
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Posted: 2/4/2012 7:47 PM

RE: Farts 


I feel like I should know what MHP stands for, but I don't.

Your story reminds me of something at work that's been bothering me for a little while. Our office is kind of divided into 2 teams, and the men's bathroom is on our side of the building, the women's is on the other. I work with a bunch of middle aged women, so when we first moved into the office, I assumed I would get the bathroom all to myself. Apparently, my coworkers are too lazy to walk an extra 50 feet to get to the women's bathroom, so they use the men's. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but occasionally I'll go in there right after somebody has dropped a bomb, so then when someone comes into the bathroom after me, they just assume the guy stunk the place up.
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Posted: 2/4/2012 9:05 PM

RE: Farts 



RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: I feel like I should know what MHP stands for, but I don't.


It stands for "A much better high school than yours"

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken
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Posted: 2/4/2012 11:43 PM

RE: Farts 


You must be drunk, because you can't get that phrase from the MHP acronym, silly.
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Posted: 2/4/2012 11:51 PM

RE: Farts 



RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: You must be drunk, because you can't get that phrase from the MHP acronym, silly.
It doesn't matter.  It's a school in a town marginally better than Tongie that is still worse than Lansing.
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Posted: 2/6/2012 12:01 PM

RE: Farts 



bobhamelin wrote:
RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: I feel like I should know what MHP stands for, but I don't.


It stands for "A much better high school than yours"
To stay on topic MHP is like one giant green-eggs and ham bubbler that comes closer to killing off the cockraoches than a nuclear bomb.

I don't know why AdBob but I always pictured you as a MHP product once I saw you were from Atchison. That might explain your multiple personality disorder.
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Posted: 2/6/2012 7:34 PM

Re: Farts 


I'm thinking of changing my screen name to The Butt Trumpet of Death.
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Posted: 2/6/2012 8:27 PM

Re: Farts 



nick05 wrote: I'm thinking of changing my screen name to The Butt Trumpet of Death.
Jeez, you would have to find the PERFECT avatar for that one.  Great name, but it would have to have a perfect avatar.

Also, I have no idea what you look like in real life, but I assume you look exactly like Alfred E Newman.
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Posted: 2/6/2012 9:28 PM

RE: Farts 



Quisendip wrote:
bobhamelin wrote:
RockChalkOmaHawk wrote: I feel like I should know what MHP stands for, but I don't.


It stands for "A much better high school than yours"
To stay on topic MHP is like one giant green-eggs and ham bubbler that comes closer to killing off the cockraoches than a nuclear bomb.

I don't know why AdBob but I always pictured you as a MHP product once I saw you were from Atchison. That might explain your multiple personality disorder.
Well I couldn't have gone to Atchison High, otherwise I'd type lik dis, yo.
RIP Dave Sanford
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Posted: 2/7/2012 7:47 AM

Re: Farts 



ChiTownRoyalsFan wrote:
nick05 wrote: I'm thinking of changing my screen name to The Butt Trumpet of Death.
Jeez, you would have to find the PERFECT avatar for that one.  Great name, but it would have to have a perfect avatar.

Also, I have no idea what you look like in real life, but I assume you look exactly like Alfred E Newman.
Actually, I look exactly like Clint Eastwood, only younger.
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Posted: 2/7/2012 10:11 AM

Re: Farts 



nick05 wrote:
ChiTownRoyalsFan wrote:
nick05 wrote: I'm thinking of changing my screen name to The Butt Trumpet of Death.
Jeez, you would have to find the PERFECT avatar for that one.  Great name, but it would have to have a perfect avatar.

Also, I have no idea what you look like in real life, but I assume you look exactly like Alfred E Newman.
Actually, I look exactly like Clint Eastwood, only younger.
Will you let me know when halftime is over?  K. Thanks.
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Posted: 2/7/2012 10:52 AM

RE: Farts 


I love me some assplosions!
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